Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Having little boys means you learn, of course, all about testicles and penises and these mysterious pieces of flesh that girls will never really understand. We put them both in the bath every night after dinner, and both of their hands immediately reach for their nether regions as soon as they sit in the water. It’s too funny. I am not sure why it makes me laugh. Maybe the ridiculousness of a one year old grabbing his stuff with glee? Like, buddy, you’re going to spend your whole life obsessed with it, I didn’t really expect you to be acting like a teenager yet.

I also didn’t really expect the twig and berries – well, specifically the berries – to be such a focus of our life. We’ve got two boys and two testicle issues.

As I said before, Oliver’s got a hernia. We noticed the small third testicle in the summer, and finally got to the doctors in September or October, I can’t remember when, wondering what it was. I had sort of assumed it was an innocent little cyst or something. An ultrasound confirmed it was part of his bowel slipping down. I did my online research about inguinal hernias, discovering how common they were, wishing we’d got to the doctor sooner, but not being that alarmed because it was going to be a little day surgery and he’d be up and running again (probably, like the dog after she got fixed, up and running around a little too soon, knowing him).

We were referred to the nearest major children’s hospital, told that my doctors’ office received confirmation of the referral, and told to wait for a letter. Every day since I have been checking the mail box for that letter, anticipating it, warning my employer I may need a day or two off for his surgery and recovery.

We’ve been aware that the hernia is getting larger. We’re not just talking a small third testicle anymore, one that used to slip back up again if he changed position. It’s now like he’s got a kiwi fruit between his legs, all the time. And that’s not really size appropriate for a (almost) three year old. It doesn’t slip back up. It looks painful, sometimes purple. On the weekend, he started saying that his tummy hurt. I began to wonder if we should take him to hospital immediately. But we didn’t – he was fine, really.

Yesterday, we tried to investigate where he was in the referral list. You get the feeling with these things that you aren’t supposed to bug them, but we were getting anxious. At first, I didn’t get anywhere. I got a recorded message at the hospital saying that they update the referring physician by fax as to the status of referrals. My GP does not have a fax machine. And seriously, it’s 2008, who the bloody hell is still using fax machines?! A call to my doctor told me they had no evening appointments this week, and the tip from the receptionist was to take him to the ER at the children’s hospital if we were worried.

Mark got farther in his investigation. Late yesterday afternoon, a nurse from the children’s hospital called him back, and despite her best efforts, could not find any record of Oliver in their system. As in, we’re sitting around waiting for a surgery referral that is NEVER going to happen. Needless to say, we’re pretty pissed off but I have to wait until my doctor’s office opens up later today to see what the hell happened. I have no idea where the error has occurred – who ballsed it up?!. We may end up taking him to the ER this weekend if we can’t get him seen soon.

Oh, and Callum? He had his one year check-up last week, MMR and all that fun stuff, and my doctor couldn’t find one of his testicles. She said at some point, they are meant to stop sliding around. I mean, we know they are there, she’s found them before – hell, I saw them this morning rather intimately as I did a quick diaper change as I got him dressed for daycare. But it makes me think that there’s a pretty good chance that he’s going to have to have the same surgery if there’s an opening down below big enough for them to slip around so much. He’s got an ultrasound next week to check things out.


3 Responses to “Balls”

  1. UrbanVox Says:

    literally! 🙂

  2. sandy Says:

    This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘up yours’. Sorry Em this is surreal! Do hope they both get their privates fixed asap before it becomes really ballsey & an emergency!

  3. Hey we went through something similar, but thankfully never had to have the surgery. It went on until he was 15 months old and then they both “came down”.

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