Ends, beginnings, whatever

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

So this is where I’m supposed to reflect on the year that was, to look back and to look forward, and to wax poetic.  Well, I really don’t want to muse on 2008 because for the most part, I didn’t have a very good time.  Maternity leave (with both kids at home 2 weekdays out of 5, and just me and baby for the rest) is not my favourite thing, to say the least.  It makes me sullen, resentful, basically psychotic, and add every other negative adjective you wish to.  It’s almost surprising that we all survived it.

The year took an upswing when I returned to work – when I regained my own identity, when I reclaimed a chunk of the day for me, when Callum transitioned to daycare so successfully, when I stopped fighting with Oliver so much.  I returned, and re-proved my worth in a workplace where I can make a difference in peoples’ lives (at a macro level), and got rewarded with a permanent career.

I think, though, that I’d like 2009 to continue that upswing to a solid plateau; to a place where we are not merely just surviving every day, just eking out an existence where there aren’t too many tantrums and everyone has food in their stomachs.  That’s not enough.  Right now,  the goal is to get to 8pm all intact – and we just seem to run towards it without thinking much (even though Oliver is usually still up then, demanding ‘just a little bit’ more of whatever cartoon suits him that day).  I’d like us to be more present – to enjoy them more, to improve the quality of the time that we do have together.  I’d like to stop throwing together 10 minute crap dinners because small mouths demand it as soon as I walk in the door.  I’d like to turn off the tv a lot more.  I’d like us all to take care of ourselves and each other in a meaningful way.

New Year’s Eve is always going to mean something different for us, though.  It’s predominantly not the end of the calendar year; it’s the start of Oliver’s fourth year.  He turns three today.  I’ll post later with pictures and words of this three year old.  Three years since the midwives commented on how shocked I looked.  Damn, turns out this pregnancy thing often results in a live baby to take care of!  I obviously hadn’t gotten my head around it.  I’m still trying to get there, I think…

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