Tyler Durden-esque (a.k.a. I am Jack’s wasted life?)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

You know what I’m going to say –

The first rule of Fight Club is, you do not talk about Fight Club.

I can’t talk about my job.  I work for the government and I’m not allowed to talk about what I do because it could affect politics. I WOULD LOVE to talk about my job sometimes because I work in a part of the government that does some really good stuff.  That makes you go, damn, thank god for that social safety net.  And okay, it’s not perfect, it never is, but let me tell you that government is full of people doing good work with your tax dollars.  Yeah, I am a commie.  So I would love to talk about some awesome stuff that I am doing right now, but I can’t.  Not on here.  You’ll have to meet me in real life to get anymore out of me… (even then, I have to keep my cards close to my chest – I would like to keep my awesome job!!).

The second rule of Fight Club is, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club.

I can’t use this blog to talk about what’s really going on with me.  It feels right now like I need to make some drastic changes to almost everything (um, pretty much everything except my career, that one I can’t talk about!!) or I may end up drowning in a sea of unhappiness.  Whoa, holy dramatic bullsh*t Batman.  But that’s what it feels like.  Either things are really going to have to change.  Or I am going to go under.  And it seems like it’s a lot easier to go under, quite often.  But my own censorship stops me from writing anymore.  Too much family peeking in on here.

Tyler Durden: You have to know the answer to this question! If you died right now, how would you feel about your life?
Narrator: I don’t know, I wouldn’t feel anything good about my life, is that what you want to hear me say? Fine. Come on!
Tyler Durden: Not good enough.
(Fight Club)

Can’t talk right now.  Too much on my mind.

This is your life and it’s ending one minute at a time. (Fight Club)

(And no, I am not a beautiful and unique snowflake.)

3 Responses to “Tyler Durden-esque (a.k.a. I am Jack’s wasted life?)”

  1. SCM Says:

    Would a hug and some positive thoughts help?

  2. Clare Riddiford Says:

    Hang in there – I’ve been following your blog for a while as you write beautifully and sum up your life so eloquently. From someone who’s been there and now leads the life she wants to lead, it can be done!

  3. rebeccakeenan Says:

    Hi Emma, I’ve been catching up here and I know what you mean about not being able to talk. I just found out that all kinds of extended family have discovered my blog and I now feel almost paralyzed by it. And it’s not even that much of a personal log. I’ve even debated starting a new, anonymous blog to vent … but really, not going to happen.

    I like the Fight Club analogy, though, and I think I get what you’re alluding to. Good luck.

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